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Say goodbye to breadcrumbing and OWN your self-worth!

Diandra Rivelino| Embody You Therapies

Have you ever felt like a new partner has entered your life or you have been dating someone for a while, but yet you feel like it

is going nowhere? This person may be showing you that they are interested, yet you feel confused with where you stand and where the relationship is going. If this is the case for your current dating situation, then you may be a victim of breadcrumbing. So, what is breadcrumbing? Breadcrumbing can be defined as someone who leads you on and has no intentions of developing a romantic relationship with you. This person will give you enough “crumbs” through acts of showing you affections and attention, to certify that you continue to hold an emotional b

ond to them, but not enough to commit to you and make you feel secured with how your relationship is going. Breadcrumbing is an act of emotional abuse due to the manipulation that comes with the act. Breadcrumbing can have a negative impact on your emotional wellbeing to a point where your self-esteem slowly starts to decline, and you begin to develop deep insecurities and lose touch of your true self.

The reason you are being breadcrumbed

For many people with low self-esteem or have an anxious attachment style you are more prone to being on the receiving end of breadcrumbing. Having low self-esteem or an anxious attachment means that when it comes to relationships, you may struggle to enforce your personal boundaries and voice what you really crave and desire in a relationship. In addition, many people who have experienced failed relationships may develop the concept that they fear being alone and should accept the behaviour their partner or person they are dating is displaying. You fear speaking up for yourself and even though you know deep down the relationship is one sided or not fulfilling, you continue to stay in the hopes of change. We wear these rose-tinted lenses and blinkers when we are in love or when we really like someone, to the point that we ignore the signs of what this person's true intentions are with us.

I know the feeling. I was the girl who accepted breadcrumbs because I was so eager to be with this person. The unhealthy attachment that I developed over the years for this person clouded my judgement, and for some odd reason, I constantly wore rose tinted lenses because I just wanted the guy. He would show me affection, attention and even experience passion with him, but it was always on his terms. He gave me enough crumbs to keep me on my toes but never saw me as the one he wanted to progress a future with- If he wanted to, he would. I knew in the pit of my stomach that this relationship was affecting my mood, self-esteem and how I viewed relationships. I lost myself, in fear of being abandoned and rejected. It is time to say no more, because you are worthy of a loving and fulfilling relationship. It is time to take back your power and finally attract the love of your life.

How to avoid breadcrumbing?

My therapeutic approach fixates on self-love, and the reason for this is because when you truly and deeply love yourself, it is inevitable to allow low vibrational relationships and people into your life. Remember this, like attracts like, therefore you have the true power to release breadcrumbing relationships and finally become a valued, loved and cherished girlfriend/boyfriend. There is no doubt that over the years the dating scene has changed drastically, but this does not mean that you cannot break this breadcrumbing cycle. Before I manifested my loving, fulfilling and committed relationship, I had to learn a few tips and tricks to avoid falling for another situationship ever again.

1. Before you hit the dating scene again, ensure you have worked on self-love so you can attract the best kind of love.

2. Set your boundaries and stick to them. This can be hard for many of us, but do not be afraid to stick up for what you truly believe. If that person cannot respect your boundaries, then good riddance to them! You’re clearly too good for them.

3. Understand that you are deserving of a loving fulfilling and committed relationship. If other people can experience true love, then you can too. The world is your oyster, you can have and attract whoever you want.

4. Have a life outside of the breadcrumber if you are still dating them. Keeping busy will ensure that you release being dependant of them and will show how amazing your life is without them.

5. Be conscious of people you are dating and keep an eye out for the breadcrumbing patterns. Ensure that on the first date you express what you are looking for. If that person cannot fulfil it, walk away, you are deserving of so much more.

Show yourself compassion and be gentle with yourself. You are not “stupid” or an “idiot” for having or are experiencing breadcrumbing. Life is about growing and learning. Take this opportunity to learn about yourself and build a better connection with who you are. This is your excuse to practice self-love and positive self-talk.

You are amazing and truly loveable just the way that you are.

Love Diandra.


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